Vicar of dibley (I cant believe its not butter)

this proves it. . . there IS a butter conspiracy. . .

thankful for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.

it arrived quietly without the morbid anticipation of Halloween and the stark raving lunacy of Christmas' consumerism - it was the calm between the storms of October's Trick or Treat and December's extravaganza of presents and parties.

it was my favorite in spite of the fact that there weren't even many exciting decorating choices. . . cut-out or plaster-cast turkeys, pilgrims, native americans, and various and sundry squash and gourds. nice table cloths and good china had to do their own part in making the day festive.

it was the holiday that had the same menu - give or take a dish - every single pickin' year.

but when my sister, Kristie and i were growing up, we never knew who was going to end up around the table with us eating those traditional foods. i liked that. the guest list was always up for grabs. invites could be handed out the same day even! when my mom found out neighbor's plans had fallen through and they were home pre-heating the oven for TV dinners (they were actually kind of a treat back in the 60's for those of us who had the "June Cleaver" mom edition), she ran over and grabbed them while we set up another card table.

Thanksgiving was meant to be shared. its tradition of family and friends first - sitting down and sharing a meal and one another is what makes it the best holiday of the year.

it's true. . .
Thanksgiving has no fireworks
or almost-dead trees adorned in light and color
or ambassadors of candy and gifts
or TV commercials reminding us to buy, buy, buy. . .

just family and friends and the gratefulness that comes when you realize how blessed you are to have family and friends!

Happy Thanksgiving!

PS we're eating at 2:00. . .

re-engaging

i am having a little trouble re-engaging with life after spending last week retreating from it. . . i actually hit the wall today.

i had internet and computer issues for the whole day. . . now understand my computer has no downloaded games on it - it is my business computer and it is not for playing - i have Wii for that. and i am very, very careful with where i surf and what i do as far as installation of software.

so i was none too pleased when i ended up having to transfer all my files to an external hard drive and re-install the operating system this morning. and i was even more unhappy when i realized that i didn't include some driver files for the wireless adapter i use for my internet connection. bad kar!

9 hours and 2 calls to Comcast, 4 calls to and from HP support, and 5 calls back and forth with a good friend who speaks computer-ese, and i still didn't have an internet connection. AND it had nothing to do with the missing drivers. . .

i had a project for work due tomorrow that i had to put finishing touches on and i was unavailable by email today. . . not good. i was stressed out - yep, i was way more than stressed out.

i was honest with Dave when he came home - so honest in fact, that he cut me a wide path. smart man. he did call the computer-ese speaking friend for me. nice man.

funny thing about today, i had talked to two good friends - one whose girlfriend had broken up with him, after he seemingly did everything right and one who finds herself in a really difficult situation where no matter what she does right, it is no guarantee that things will improve in her home.

doing everything right does not equal success. let me write that again for all our benefit. . .
doing everything right does not equal success.

and most days it's not much fun either. . .

retreating

dave and i just got back from a 5 day retreat at Cedarly. it is just the right place to go to re-connect, re-charge, refresh, and refurbish your soul.

six pastoral (yes, i use that term loosely) couples came together at this large home on Upper Nemahbin Lake. we each had our own bedroom with private bath and bookshelves of great books. we were encouraged to wonder the 6.5 acres, visit the library and the Woodshed Prayer House, and just spend time reading, writing, and yes, just thinking about and listening to God.

sounds kinda boring??? it's anything but.

once a day we were required to come together and share a meal. our hosts provide a timely devotional, we said grace, and then we ate. great food by the way - provided and served by a talented chef with a heart for God and Cedarly's guests. while we were eating, a topic was introduced and we were all encouraged to interact with it and each other. my time alone was something i desparately needed but i also needed to connect with others - the time around the table, sharing our journeys - the good, the bad, and the just plain UGLY. . . well, that tends to bind people together. . . tightly together, if we let it. . and we seemed to let it. . .

do me a favor and check out Cedarly for your own pastoral couple. . . talk to them about it, send them this link, pray them there for a week. it will make a difference in their own walks with God and that my friend, will make a difference in the way they lead. . .

by the way, dave and i played the world series of cribbage - best of 7. he won bragging rights for all eterninty 4-3. . .

i told you it wasn't boring. . .

Use it or Lose it

when i was growing up, there were a couple of key phrases that our pastors seemed to use frequently while looking for volunteers. . .
"Use it or Lose it" - directed at those with musical/teaching talent.
and the general call to everybody. . .
"We'd rather burn out than rust out! And all God's people said. . . Amen!"

i started playing piano at our Wednesday night service while in 3rd grade. this was not so much a credit to my ability as it was a sign of desperation - back in the day, we Baptists didn't open the church doors without singing at least the first, second and last verse of at least 3 hymns - loudly and with gusto.
i remember telling my mom that i didn't like playing for prayer service. she sent the pastor after me. . ."Karen, you have been given a talent to play the piano. God expects you to use it for Him or He can and will take it away."

ok, i'm nine years old. i get it. "use it or lose it."

and in the midst of some huge all church work project, or missionary conference, or AWANA/Sunday School recruitment would be the litany of "burning out over rusting out". . . which can lead one to the conclusion that spirituality can be measured by busyness - especially busyness in the church.

wow! and if we don't buy into busyness = spirituality, then there is always the question of so MUCH to be done and who is going to do it if we don't???

now, if when reading this you find yourself defending your "hectic schedule for Jesus" - then you need to slow down and consider reading Mark Buchanan's "The Rest of God." we chat about this one later. . .

and, if when reading this you have no idea what i'm talking about - please go see your pastor.
do not pass "go" and do not collect $100. . . just go see him and ask him how you can help.

seriously, very few of us fall in the middle - either we are attempting too much or we are doing too little. . .

sabbath rest

i won't be posting regularly this week. . . i am on a retreat - retreating from my responsibilities and schedule and the zaniness of life - to seek after God.

wow, that sounds really pretentious. . .

i think it would be more honest to say that i came away from my "life" to have my compass re-set.

i need to have a spiritual compass that i can trust to always point due north, which in my head is "Godward." and unlike a real compass, my tends to get de-magnitized or something more often than i would like to admit to. . . so coming away to read, and rest, and think, and write, and listen. . . well, for me, re-sets it. i can then re-enter my routine - or lack thereof - knowing that i have a sure reference point.

we all need a sure reference point. . . what are you doing to keep yours pointing due north??

tithing". . . everybody was kung fu tithing. . ."

dave posted a must-see video on his blog on tithing. . . yes, kung fu tithing. . . go figure. . .
trust me, it's worth the time. . . dave's blog.
have fun!

POTS - the syndrome not the weed(s) - Part II

so i was able to share with you a tiny bit of the journey to Mayo Clinic and lacey's diagnosis. . . i realized i wasn't completely honest about the hardest part of that journey. . . the seemingly unanswered prayer.

when lacey first got sick - it was routine and mundane one minute and then complicated and scary the next. we went through the gamut of diagnoses - she had the flu, food poisoning, altitude sickness (yeah, we had been in the mountains of Montana and Wyoming and then on a jet that brought us home), SARS (yeah, that was interesting too. . . we had a few people that wanted us off the plane before we ever took off). then it was cancer, cancer, and more cancer, with meningitis thrown in.

i prayed a bit and then a lot. and then our family and friends prayed a lot and then more and more.

as things were ruled out, we all said prayers of relief and thankfulness but still prayed for an answer, positive it would come, and come quickly. God, in his infinite wisdom could not mean this really, nice, funny, bright, compassionate kid to suffer this kind of pain. she didn't need the current health crisis to bring her to salvation at the cross and i was pretty sure i didn't either (but that's another story for another day).

i figured we didn't have enough prayers being said on her behalf, so i started going outside our immediate family and friends to other churches, and other churches in other states, and other churches in other countries. . . and still we didn't have a diagnosis - so therefore, we didn't have an answer to prayer. . . (yep, i know what you're thinking now - but we were blinded by our desperation back then)

that began the year of 28 prescriptions. we had a prescription for just about every symptom. we religiously :) let our prayer supporters know a new drug regime was starting and ask that they would "please pray that this would be THE drug that would help."

nothing ever touched the headache or the fatigue or just the whole weirdness of why she could be "ok" sitting up at the table one moment and get incredibly ill as she went back to her bedroom the next. in fact, the drugs brought with them a slew of side-effects that made everything worse.

we gave up on the drugs.

we continued to ask for prayer. the elders came. and still no answer.

when the doctors couldn't find anything to explain her symptoms, and the drugs weren't working, they began to ask to see dave and i in the next room. they talked in hushed tones about depression and how that could account for her symptoms. i was dumbfounded. how does depression cause one pupil for no apparent reason, to just suddenly dilate???

there was something wrong. i knew it. lacey sure as heck knew it. and i knew that God knew - and for some odd reason, He wasn't sharing.

we waited for months to get the appointment at Mayo's. lacey and i prayed the night before that God would honor our prayers - we would get a diagnosis. and we would be happy with just a simple diagnosis.

we lied.

we got the diagnosis but now we found ourselves in an alternative universe where we knew what was wrong but no one knew how to fix it, let alone treat it successfully. more tests, more drugs, more prayers, more treatment, more of the sickness.

we comforted ourselves with the fact that what lacey had was not life threatening. we thanked God for that, repeatedly.

POTS is life-altering, and life-changing, and life-annoying and frustrating, and exhausting, and depressing. POTS is unfair and made life hard for all us, especially lacey.

ok, so this is what i learned.

God always answers our prayers - sometimes He just says "no."

"no" to getting the diagnosis when we want it.

"no" to getting better with treatment.

"no" to getting cured.

those are all answers. . . they are just not the ones we were looking for. . . people would try to make this situation better by always pointing to this silver lining or that one. or they would try to do the theological arithmetic that would help us understand how His sovereignty and His stinginess on those "yes" answers still equaled a caring, loving, omnipotent God.

it comes down to this - God is God and we're not. bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. and we're not in charge nor do we deserve any answers.

we have to stop living our Christian lives with that whacked out prosperity gospel that says doing all the right things = getting all the right results, having enough faith = having a great life.

we need to stop trying to figure out the "why" of the situation and learn how to live in the situation that God has allowed. the "why" is a temporary question, the "how" can have an eternal legacy.

God is God and we're not.

POTS - the syndrome, not the weed(s)

a friend sent me a link to story that abc did on a subject that our family has been living with for the about the last five years. the syndrome is called POTS - Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome and one of our children was diagnosed with it at Mayo's.

we went through 14 months of being told our child was not "really sick" - it was anxiety and depression. . . of course there was anxiety and depression, as a result of a constant, severe headache, bone numbing exhaustion, low blood pressure, high heart rate, dizziness, times of extreme sensitivity to heat, noise, and light with vomiting, unexplained pupil dilation. . . and oh yeah, did i mention the severe headache that never went away?

attending school was close to impossible - friendships withered. our child was sick and becoming increasingly isolated and lonely. so we went from doctor to doctor, looking for relief, looking for a name. . .

14 months and four neurologists later, we went to Mayo's in Rochester and in 10 minutes the pediatrician gave our hell a name - POTS. we spent two days there for tests. we had an answer.
there was no cure, there would just be waiting and hoping some day soon she'd grow out of it.

it has not been easy. medication only partially helped with the symptoms. . . there were nerve blocks and drug studies that didn't relieve anything. a couple trips to the e.r. and a hospital stay this summer for stomach complications - but the headache has lessened a bit, and for that we are very thankful.

how people treat a child with POTS is really a lot like how children who are exceptionally tall for their age get treated - unfairly. a friend's daughter was commonly mistaken for being kindergarten age when she was only 3 because of her height. there is a big developmental gap between children who have started school and children who have started the tyrannical three's.
she was often wrongly chastised for behavior that is part of being three. a child may look five but be only three. a child with POTS may look "fine" but be anything but fine.

bottom line here. . . if your child is ill and exhibiting symptoms of POTS, read the abc report and contact the names and organizations listed at the bottom for more information. you owe it to your child.

after our child was diagnosed, we found the dysautonomia information network particularly helpful. great information and support for us and they were able to link up our daughter with other children with the syndrome. it helped - she found out she wasn't alone.

Me Singing A Whole New World Disney's Aladdin Nick Pitera

ok, so before you email me and ask for this. . . make sure you watch this long enough to catch him singing Jasmin's part as well as Aladin's. . .

Part of your world - Give us your voice contest Nick Pitera

i don't know what to say except - his voice is amazing. . . you have to check out him singing Aladin AND Jasmin's parts in A Whole New World. . . makes you go hmmmmmmmmm.
enjoy!

ragamuffin to ragamuffin

once a year i read "the ragamuffin gospel" along with about 12 other books. . . i know, i'm weird. my yearly literary task was in the low single digits until i got addicted to a certain series and now i have to read the entire series each calendar year. . .

but back to the reason i read "the ragamuffin gospel". . . i was raised in the grand tradition of fundamental legalism. if it was fun, it wasn't "legal." i was also raised with certain micro sized-comic book-type tracts that frankly, scared me silly. God loved me enough to send His only Son and His celestial CIA - spying on my every thought, word, and deed - all caught on film (this was before VCRs) and to be shown to my great embarrassment to the cast of thousands just before i entered heaven. God was not a kind grandfather waiting to embrace me at the gates. He was a judge, making sure i was well aware of the legal loophole that Christ's death had opened just wide enough for unworthy miscreants like myself.

when i finally did cross that line between exhaustive playacting and real faith, i carried with me a wide variety of the letter-of-the-law kind of baggage. you know the sort. . . i'm sure you do!
so it wasn't until someone gave me a copy of brennan manning's epistle to the shamed saved and desperately driven and i read. . .

"Though the Scriptures insist on God's initiative in the work of salvation - that by grace we are saved, that the Tremendous Lover has taken to the chase- our spirituality often starts with self, not God. Personal responsibility has replaced personal response. We talk about acquiring virtue as if it were a skill that can be attained like good handwriting or a well-grooved golf swing . In the penitential seasons we focus on overcoming our weaknesses, getting rid of our hang-ups, and reaching Christian maturity. We sweat through various spiritual exercises as if they were designed to produce a Christian Charles Atlas.
Though lip service is paid to the gospel of grace, many Christians live as if it is only personal discipline and self-denial that will mold the perfect me. The emphasis is on what I do rather than on what God is doing."

i found a respite from my quest for perfection for myself and those unfortunate enough to be in my "circle of influence". . . i found grace.

there is not one thing i can do today that will make God love me more nor one thing i can do today that will make Him love me less.

and i love Him all the more for that.

just seeking to know God

when i was first married, i was very young and naive. i was a youth pastor's wife straight outta bible school who mistakenly believed that the people in our church were all on the same team - God's team.

i learned, but not as quickly as i should have, that there are a lot of reasons people join churches. and some of those reasons have little to do with wanting to know God better. there are social reasons. and networking reasons. and political reasons, to name a few.

most of our congregation were good, honest folk looking to raise their families with Sunday School, Awana clubs, 4th of July picnics, and Christmas cantatas. but there were power brokers too. people who lost sight of the church as the body of Christ. people who were mean spirited and spiteful and sought to rule instead of serve.

that "church" no longer exists. its building sold. its people scattered.

dave and i have stayed in touch with those who walked along side us then, friends who are closer than family now. sometimes we talk about it and it is painful. but it is healing too. to realize that God is God. and the lessons learned the hard way are still lessons learned and carried to our new church communities.

i think we're all a little more grateful, a little more cautious, and a lot more humble. we realize what a precious thing it is to be a part of a community of believers seeking to know God. not caught up in the power trips or the number games - just seeking to know God.

just seeking to know God. . .

it's not what your kid does at 20. . .

parenting is hard and doesn't pay well either.
there is no fairy godmother who magically appears at the same moment the crisis does.
there are no gold stars for effort.
there are no guarantees.
heck, the child you are parenting may not even like you at this very moment. . . may even hate you.
we need to keep in mind that it is not what your child does at 5, or 9, or 14, or 20. it's who your child is at 40. . . maybe i should make that 50. . .

to read or not to read - that is the quiet time question

i like reading devotionally and journaling about it afterwards. but i am always looking for new ways to keep things fresh and interesting. because sometimes what i've always done doesn't seem to work. . . i don't seem to be connecting with God. so i take a break, and feel immensely guilty, and then realize the sky has not fallen in. . . and God still loves me and i still want to connect with Him.

and then i call friends and confess, and i hear "you have to keep having quiet times - whether or not they seem to be working because it's the right thing to do." ok, not helpful.
(personal note: i have quit confessing to these friends)
or i hear "hmmmmmmmmm, i don't know what to tell you - i'm right there too." ok, not helpful as well, but i am feeling better. . .

one of the things i've noticed is that people are a lot more open to talking about the fact that they don't have regular quiet times. i've had friends in the past who wouldn't eat breakfast until they spent time in the word. there was a kind pride in what one had to go through to accomplish a daily devotion, recounted with a certain amount of feigned humilty. one didn't admit to not spending time with God. INSTEAD - one went to extraordinary lengths to make sure one didn't have to admit to not spending time with God.

today i hear just the opposite. . . in fact i hear more than 'i'm not reading my bible regularly" - i hear "i don't have a quiet time and i don't actually miss it cuz i wasn't sure what was supposed to be happening anyways. . . "

a lot of young moms have told they don't have time - ok, i get that! but when i probe a little deeper i find that they usually feel like the "i wasn't sure what was supposed to be happening" thing. ok, it's hard to schedule something into an already jam-packed, child-filled, plans-may-run-amok-at-any-momemt sort of day anyways - let alone if you really don't see the value of that something. yes, there is guilt in not doing it - but there is also a missing value. . .

i want to recommend Larry Osborne's Contrarian's Guide to Knowing God: Spirituality for the Rest of Us. in his first chapter he challenges us to consider how people got to know God before there were printing presses. . . and how do people who don't read or don't read well have any chance this side of heaven of knowing God now. . . hmmmm, good questions. . .

so i'm asking - how do you (yeah, you reading this blog) get to know God?

better than reading the shoebox greeting card at the hallmark store

i am down with the flu today - can't trust myself due to a congested head and/or very excellent over-the-counter drugs. . . so here a post that was planned for later in the month. . .

i love to go to the store and hang out in the card aisles reading the truly obnoxious but clever greeting cards. i don't get to do this too often. . . i'm usually running into walgreen's to grab something medicinal or a gallon of milk. . . quick trips of desperation.
so imagine my joy when i found a website devoted to well, the art of demotivation. . . i know, i know, too cool right? now i don't know anyone who really got life changing inspiration from those corporate motivational lithographs - they were just begging to be parodied. . . and they were. . . at
http://www.despair.com/viewall.html
now from the privacy of your own home you can enjoy what used to be only achievable at the local hallmark store. . .
i have the "tradition" art framed in my both my offices. . .
enjoy!

the day after

hey, today you may have woken up wildly excited that we have Mr. Obama as our new president or you may have been grossly disappointed. regardless of your political leanings. . . dave has a great post on his blog about our response to the election results. . . mosey on over there and check it out. . .
http://www.acchurch.org/blog/

Jesus Is My Friend by Sonseed

ever seen a car accident? you want to look away - but you can't, you HAVE to look.
ok, this video is kinda like that for me.
enjoy!

the start of something

i really hate beginnings. . . i just read a bumper sticker that said "beginnings are beautiful" - not sure what they were referring to. . . but. . . blech!
beginnings are hard.
you don't even know what you don't know. and you hope that the process will get easier as you go along.

ok, well, that's my hope and prayer - that i learn what i need to know - keeping a healthy appreciation of what i don't - and that this gets easier. . .
ummm, i guess i'm blogging because i don't enjoy public speaking.
public speaking = being nervous, nauseous, and overly concerned with public opinion on appearance, topic, and delivery.
i enjoy meeting someone for coffee and a chat - two way conversation that flows and takes us places we never imagined. . . and hopefully, we both walk away a little different - a little wiser, a little encouraged by the exchange of life wisdom.

i just got back from a trip behind "the cheddar curtain"(that's illinois speak for wisconsin) to talk with a group of women about "entitlement." i enjoyed being with them and sharing what i am learning and listening to what they are learning BUT in the 6 and some hour ride home, in the privacy of my rental car, God and i discussed my obedience. . . or rather lack of. . . and well, this blog is a partial response to that discussion.

i think it's true that a lot of Christians don't share their faith because of fear of rejection. . . but i also think we don't share our faith because we are having a bit of trouble living life to the fullest. why would we encourage someone to become a Christian when we're overwhelmed by all the things we're supposed to be doing AND we're not finding it all that satisfying?
AND very few people are admitting to being overwhelmed and under satisfied.
instead, we find someone that is worse-off than us and receive some consolation in encouraging them - without addressing our own emptiness.
ok, enough of that. time to be honest about quiet times, prayer, fasting, and getting along with each other. time to be honest about adhering to a prosperity gospel in practice that alienates those who are hurting from those who are not.
you do realize that "they'll know we are Christians by our love" and not our clean houses, perfect children, or examplarary bible knowledge, right?
let's talk. . .
kmc