this explains a whole heck of lot at my office - and well, and we all know how important it is to keep Robert Goulet away. . .
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
back to the basics
this has been a weird week. . . church's Ladies' Christmas Tea (there's at least 4 or 5 posts in that alone), massive work hours (i'm working for a toy distributor - what was i thinking?), the untimely death of a younger cousin that shook me up a bit, and my dad has had a stroke.
oh yeah, AND there are only 9 shopping days until Christmas. . .
seriously, i am back to the basics. . .
life is fragile.
God is God and i'm not.
i haven't seen my 2nd or 3rd cousin, Jerry, (i have always been confused by those designations) since 1991. My mom had just passed away and my dad and i were invited to supper with my cousin's family. that dinner is pretty hazy as dad and i were still very much in the throes of grief. our families hadn't been together for close to 15 years so there was that awkwardness that comes from not staying in touch but being obligated by DNA. i told and laughed at an inappropriate joke. it's inappropriateness did not register with me until weeks after and i was mortified. i think that is why i don't tell jokes anymore.
Jerry was a jockey, racing thoroughbreds. i didn't know much about horses, racetracks, or what it takes to be jockey then, nor do i now. and i really didn't know much about him and his life since that dinner. you know how it is in families. . . the younger generation doesn't stay connected to each other, you just hear bits and pieces of news from the familial elders. . . Jerry won, Jerry lost, Jerry won some more, Jerry fell, Jerry got married, Jerry won, Jerry's horse died on the third turn, Jerry won again etc. etc. . .
but this is what i do know - Jerry beat leukemia when he was in grade school, successfully raced horses as an adult, and died at 39 after a fall in the shower.
cancer and racing and falling among large, heavy beasts didn't kill him. something as inglorious as a fall in the shower took him.
i have a hard time coming to terms with that.
my father is 80 this year and this is his third major hospital stay in 23 months - cancer, quadruple bypass, and now this. we are still waiting on tests and doctors for final diagnosis and then prognosis.
his voice has been affected and the left side of his body. he is very blessed. his language and thought process are intact and he is not paralyzed, just severely weakened. but my strong-willed, take-life-by-the-horns father is once again laying in a hospital bed, at the mercy of his well-worn body.
i know he has lived a good life but i have a hard time coming to terms with this stroke. i am not ready for him to leave yet. he is still needed and loved.
so i find myself back to the basics
life is fragile AND God is God.
sometimes i find it so hard to comprehend that God would send His Son to us. that God would allow His Son to take on human flesh in all its fragility.
i think that is the miracle of the nativity. . . not that a virgin gave birth. . . but that God chose to be human.
oh yeah, AND there are only 9 shopping days until Christmas. . .
seriously, i am back to the basics. . .
life is fragile.
God is God and i'm not.
i haven't seen my 2nd or 3rd cousin, Jerry, (i have always been confused by those designations) since 1991. My mom had just passed away and my dad and i were invited to supper with my cousin's family. that dinner is pretty hazy as dad and i were still very much in the throes of grief. our families hadn't been together for close to 15 years so there was that awkwardness that comes from not staying in touch but being obligated by DNA. i told and laughed at an inappropriate joke. it's inappropriateness did not register with me until weeks after and i was mortified. i think that is why i don't tell jokes anymore.
Jerry was a jockey, racing thoroughbreds. i didn't know much about horses, racetracks, or what it takes to be jockey then, nor do i now. and i really didn't know much about him and his life since that dinner. you know how it is in families. . . the younger generation doesn't stay connected to each other, you just hear bits and pieces of news from the familial elders. . . Jerry won, Jerry lost, Jerry won some more, Jerry fell, Jerry got married, Jerry won, Jerry's horse died on the third turn, Jerry won again etc. etc. . .
but this is what i do know - Jerry beat leukemia when he was in grade school, successfully raced horses as an adult, and died at 39 after a fall in the shower.
cancer and racing and falling among large, heavy beasts didn't kill him. something as inglorious as a fall in the shower took him.
i have a hard time coming to terms with that.
my father is 80 this year and this is his third major hospital stay in 23 months - cancer, quadruple bypass, and now this. we are still waiting on tests and doctors for final diagnosis and then prognosis.
his voice has been affected and the left side of his body. he is very blessed. his language and thought process are intact and he is not paralyzed, just severely weakened. but my strong-willed, take-life-by-the-horns father is once again laying in a hospital bed, at the mercy of his well-worn body.
i know he has lived a good life but i have a hard time coming to terms with this stroke. i am not ready for him to leave yet. he is still needed and loved.
so i find myself back to the basics
life is fragile AND God is God.
sometimes i find it so hard to comprehend that God would send His Son to us. that God would allow His Son to take on human flesh in all its fragility.
i think that is the miracle of the nativity. . . not that a virgin gave birth. . . but that God chose to be human.
back from vacation
well, i am back from vacation. . .
not the kind where sun bloc and palm trees heavily factor in. . . i'm talking about a reading vacation, where i still wake up, go to work, teach a bible study, attend church, and clean house (ok, only not so much. . . ) - you know, live my normal life (no funny comments here, ok?) BUT i cocoon myself from cell phone and texting and email and facebook and read and read and read. i polished off 5 books since December 2nd. i am refreshed, tired but refreshed!
that may not sound impressive - 5 books in 14 days, but one of them was Anathem by Neal Stephenson at over 900 pages. . . and if reading 900 pages doesn't tire one out. . . the fact that most of the 900 pages are math-drenched sci-fi should. and that my friend, is off the scale on the "can't read this for sheer escapism, have to employ massive amounts of brain cells for processing math theory to understand plot" meter. oh yeah, did i mention a huge dose of philosophical thought is included in every other chapter???
it's no joke - by the time i finished the book, i had severe brain cramping . which goes to prove that i am not as smart as i thought i was when it comes to heavy duty math and philosophy. but it was totally worth it!!
i go on reading vacations at least once a year. limiting people contact for a great increase in book content is a much needed thing in my life. i know that the holidays mean more time with more people. and kar can get pretty crabby, pretty quickly in that mode. so a little R & R with some good writing can really recharge my batteries and help me through the next few weeks.
besides, now i have something to talk about at all those holiday get-togethers. ;)
not the kind where sun bloc and palm trees heavily factor in. . . i'm talking about a reading vacation, where i still wake up, go to work, teach a bible study, attend church, and clean house (ok, only not so much. . . ) - you know, live my normal life (no funny comments here, ok?) BUT i cocoon myself from cell phone and texting and email and facebook and read and read and read. i polished off 5 books since December 2nd. i am refreshed, tired but refreshed!
that may not sound impressive - 5 books in 14 days, but one of them was Anathem by Neal Stephenson at over 900 pages. . . and if reading 900 pages doesn't tire one out. . . the fact that most of the 900 pages are math-drenched sci-fi should. and that my friend, is off the scale on the "can't read this for sheer escapism, have to employ massive amounts of brain cells for processing math theory to understand plot" meter. oh yeah, did i mention a huge dose of philosophical thought is included in every other chapter???
it's no joke - by the time i finished the book, i had severe brain cramping . which goes to prove that i am not as smart as i thought i was when it comes to heavy duty math and philosophy. but it was totally worth it!!
i go on reading vacations at least once a year. limiting people contact for a great increase in book content is a much needed thing in my life. i know that the holidays mean more time with more people. and kar can get pretty crabby, pretty quickly in that mode. so a little R & R with some good writing can really recharge my batteries and help me through the next few weeks.
besides, now i have something to talk about at all those holiday get-togethers. ;)
Straight No Chaser - 12 Days
sometimes the Christmas season can be a lot like this song. . . a little mixed up, a little stressed out, but still a lot of fun!
and this group is really good!
enjoy!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
lonliness
i found myself writing something really personal in an email this morning. . . so personal that i haven't even dared to write it in my journal. i have described it, but i have never penned it, named it, gave it the power it has wielded in my life over the years. . . until now.
i wrote ". . . most of my christian life has been lived in a loneliness that is both of God and anti-God at the same time."
i wrote it before benefit of morning coffee which might explain why my guard was down.
my life has surrounded me with people - family, church members, co-workers, neighbors, acquaintances of all shapes and sizes, and strangers. and some have been my friends. and in spite of the number of persons that have been a part of my journey, i have found myself in the company of loneliness more than anyone else.
she has met me late at night and early in the morning when it is only the two of us - and she has my full attention. she has joined me at numerous parties and dinners, standing just behind me. sometimes whispering in my ear during conversations i am trying to have with other guests. usually reminding me that i have nothing to offer and i have no business being a part of a gathering of people who so obviously enjoy being with people. so i find myself only attending those gatherings that are absolutely have-to's. . . it is much less work to be lonely by myself than to be lonely in a group of people.
that is anti-God. it is anti-community. it is anti-body of Christ. it is the easy way out. i don't need people - it is just me and God. God and me. He is all i need.
yes and no.
there is a loneliness of the soul that has always driven me into Him; not His presence or His arms. it has driven me into Him. and He refreshes and cleanses and heals. and then i can re-enter the human race with a better chance of not lashing out at anyone because of my weakness, my pain, my pride.
but God did not send His Son individually to each of us, private and personal. He sent His Son to a very public birth, life, and death - to all of us at once. and while that choice to believe, to follow, to live for Him is made in the quietness of our hearts - that choice calls us to be light and salt to the world - and actually, to be light and salt to the church as well.
it calls us to "be" for each other.
it is hard to "be" for each other in the privacy of our own homes. . .
we need to risk it. . .
we need to "be" for each other WITH each other.
i wrote ". . . most of my christian life has been lived in a loneliness that is both of God and anti-God at the same time."
i wrote it before benefit of morning coffee which might explain why my guard was down.
my life has surrounded me with people - family, church members, co-workers, neighbors, acquaintances of all shapes and sizes, and strangers. and some have been my friends. and in spite of the number of persons that have been a part of my journey, i have found myself in the company of loneliness more than anyone else.
she has met me late at night and early in the morning when it is only the two of us - and she has my full attention. she has joined me at numerous parties and dinners, standing just behind me. sometimes whispering in my ear during conversations i am trying to have with other guests. usually reminding me that i have nothing to offer and i have no business being a part of a gathering of people who so obviously enjoy being with people. so i find myself only attending those gatherings that are absolutely have-to's. . . it is much less work to be lonely by myself than to be lonely in a group of people.
that is anti-God. it is anti-community. it is anti-body of Christ. it is the easy way out. i don't need people - it is just me and God. God and me. He is all i need.
yes and no.
there is a loneliness of the soul that has always driven me into Him; not His presence or His arms. it has driven me into Him. and He refreshes and cleanses and heals. and then i can re-enter the human race with a better chance of not lashing out at anyone because of my weakness, my pain, my pride.
but God did not send His Son individually to each of us, private and personal. He sent His Son to a very public birth, life, and death - to all of us at once. and while that choice to believe, to follow, to live for Him is made in the quietness of our hearts - that choice calls us to be light and salt to the world - and actually, to be light and salt to the church as well.
it calls us to "be" for each other.
it is hard to "be" for each other in the privacy of our own homes. . .
we need to risk it. . .
we need to "be" for each other WITH each other.
Monday, December 1, 2008
what i'm reading at this moment
someone asked what a bunch of us are reading at the moment - heres' my list. . . Anathem, The Chess Garden ( for about 7th time - thank you emily millikan), Digging Ditches (thank you ginger epinnette), Are Women Human? (thank you sarah flashing), Life of the Beloved (this was recommended by Sister Elizabeth a long time ago - i read it once a year!), and The Other Boleyn Girl (thank you becky labus and emily campbell). i rarely read one book at a time and usually have 5 or 6 going at once, in different genre's of course!
shattered stained glass part I
when i started blogging last month i made mention of the fact that the involuntary contrarian was only one small piece of a bigger project - a scary, exciting, "can't-believe-we're-actually-doing-it" kinda project. notice the "we". . . that is a very important part of the project called Shattered Stained Glass due to open it's virtual doors in January.
i could never have imagined this or come close to pulling it off by myself - not in a gazillion years. but a group of like-minded women who have come to the conclusion that Christianity is not a one-size-fits-all adventure and wanted, needed someplace to connect and talk and encourage and challenge each other. . . well, now - THAT group of women could accomplish this.
Shattered Stained Glass is not supposed to take the place of your church, your church's women's ministry, your small group, or your family. it a place to come to talk, read, blog, engage - a place to rest and catch your breath during those "what the heck happened here?" times. . . it's a place to be yourself and perhaps come to terms with your faith or lack of it.
this is not a verbal version of Second Life the virtual reality game. everything at SSG is meant to be tried at home - with real neighbors, friends and family members.
talking honestly about our faith so we can honestly live out our faith.
faith meets real life. . . yep, that's it. . .
i could never have imagined this or come close to pulling it off by myself - not in a gazillion years. but a group of like-minded women who have come to the conclusion that Christianity is not a one-size-fits-all adventure and wanted, needed someplace to connect and talk and encourage and challenge each other. . . well, now - THAT group of women could accomplish this.
Shattered Stained Glass is not supposed to take the place of your church, your church's women's ministry, your small group, or your family. it a place to come to talk, read, blog, engage - a place to rest and catch your breath during those "what the heck happened here?" times. . . it's a place to be yourself and perhaps come to terms with your faith or lack of it.
this is not a verbal version of Second Life the virtual reality game. everything at SSG is meant to be tried at home - with real neighbors, friends and family members.
talking honestly about our faith so we can honestly live out our faith.
faith meets real life. . . yep, that's it. . .
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