back to the basics

this has been a weird week. . . church's Ladies' Christmas Tea (there's at least 4 or 5 posts in that alone), massive work hours (i'm working for a toy distributor - what was i thinking?), the untimely death of a younger cousin that shook me up a bit, and my dad has had a stroke.

oh yeah, AND there are only 9 shopping days until Christmas. . .

seriously, i am back to the basics. . .

life is fragile.

God is God and i'm not.

i haven't seen my 2nd or 3rd cousin, Jerry, (i have always been confused by those designations) since 1991. My mom had just passed away and my dad and i were invited to supper with my cousin's family. that dinner is pretty hazy as dad and i were still very much in the throes of grief. our families hadn't been together for close to 15 years so there was that awkwardness that comes from not staying in touch but being obligated by DNA. i told and laughed at an inappropriate joke. it's inappropriateness did not register with me until weeks after and i was mortified. i think that is why i don't tell jokes anymore.

Jerry was a jockey, racing thoroughbreds. i didn't know much about horses, racetracks, or what it takes to be jockey then, nor do i now. and i really didn't know much about him and his life since that dinner. you know how it is in families. . . the younger generation doesn't stay connected to each other, you just hear bits and pieces of news from the familial elders. . . Jerry won, Jerry lost, Jerry won some more, Jerry fell, Jerry got married, Jerry won, Jerry's horse died on the third turn, Jerry won again etc. etc. . .

but this is what i do know - Jerry beat leukemia when he was in grade school, successfully raced horses as an adult, and died at 39 after a fall in the shower.

cancer and racing and falling among large, heavy beasts didn't kill him. something as inglorious as a fall in the shower took him.

i have a hard time coming to terms with that.

my father is 80 this year and this is his third major hospital stay in 23 months - cancer, quadruple bypass, and now this. we are still waiting on tests and doctors for final diagnosis and then prognosis.
his voice has been affected and the left side of his body. he is very blessed. his language and thought process are intact and he is not paralyzed, just severely weakened. but my strong-willed, take-life-by-the-horns father is once again laying in a hospital bed, at the mercy of his well-worn body.

i know he has lived a good life but i have a hard time coming to terms with this stroke. i am not ready for him to leave yet. he is still needed and loved.

so i find myself back to the basics

life is fragile AND God is God.

sometimes i find it so hard to comprehend that God would send His Son to us. that God would allow His Son to take on human flesh in all its fragility.

i think that is the miracle of the nativity. . . not that a virgin gave birth. . . but that God chose to be human.