the gift of grieving

until you have lost someone close you do not really understand.

you can think you do, but until your face hurts from smiling reassuringly as you intone the inevitable "fine" at all those who inquire as to how you are,

until you are wide awake in the wee hours of the morning. night after night - feeling more overwhelming alone than you ever thought possible,

until you realize that you have caught yourself once again following someone in the crowd who for one small moment you believed was your dead mother, father, brother, sister, wife, husband, son, daughter, grandmother, grandfather, cousin, aunt, uncle, fiance, or friend,

until you reach for the phone to call that someone and then realize with a sickening thud in the back of your brain that s/he is not going to pick up ever again,

until you cry because the sun is out and people are laughing and playing,

until you find yourself living each day in numbing exhaustion while holding it together for everyone else,

until then, you do not know.

grief is a process and a very personal one at that. there is no set time schedule to measure against, and there are no magical rituals that relieve the pain.

there is just time.

the shortest verse in the Bible is two short words. . . "Jesus wept."

someone shared that verse with me moments after my mother died. that someone caught me in the hospital hallway and asked point blank if i was a Christian. when i admitted that i was, she proceeded to give me the precious gift of grieving.

she explained how she had just lost her mother and that as a Christian, because we believe in Heaven and eternity AND being a good witness to God's goodness and grace in those times of darkness - it was easy to skip the grieving part of loss altogether.

she then shared the shortest verse saying that Jesus wept knowing full well that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead.

Jesus wept knowing Lazarus would walk out of the tomb into the lovingly astonished arms of his family.

Jesus wept knowing his next conversation with his friend was only a command away. . .

Jesus wept.

Paul cautions us not to grief as the those who have no hope. Paul does not caution us NOT TO GRIEVE.

it is easy to become so focused on heaven and God's goodness that we do not allow the painful reality of death to touch us and we short-circuit the very process that leads to healing.

we end up living a half life while having those around us praise our faith and our witness - this only ends up encouraging us to linger and not move on.

we need to embrace the pain, knowing Jesus knows and understands.

we need to grieve as those who have hope.

we need to accept the gift.