living in men world

so for the first time in my life - i find myself the only female in a household of men - one husband, one son, and two insane dogs - dave, micah, stanley, and roger - respectively.

today, this was driven home (no pun intended) when i received a lesson on how real men carry in grocery bags - they don't use the handles. . . .

i know, this makes no sense to me either.

handles are so much easier - i can now set the bag down, and open the a) car door, b) car trunk, c) screen door and front door, and then pick it up with ease - by the handles. (this is especially useful if you are carrying more than one bag.)

gone are the days when i had to clutch the lumpy, heavy groceries bags to my chest- losing view of the area directly in front of my feet (dangerous when walking with small children - all of my kids learned the hard way to walk behind me so as not to get a "canned-goods" bruise up side the head).

hopefully, i remembered to get out my house KEY out before the clutching of the bags, because, God forbid i had to set those groceries down gracefully and without them pouring themselves out as some unsharp but protruding can caused a breach in the sturdy paper material, only to go digging around for my keys in the diaper bag i used as a purse for most of my married life. (ok, yes, i carried a diaper bag years past having any child in diapers - they were so much more practical. 1)they had so many useful pockets and compartments for all sorts of purse crappola (hence the digging - i never elected one pocket as the key pocket) and 2) i could throw the dang thing in the wash and have it come out looking like new - and you can't do that when your 6 old gets car sick and heaves directly into your fake leather-looking handbag.)

i can honestly say i have chased more than than my fair share of cambell's chicken noodle soup down my sloping driveway or lurched myself into the evergreens on either side of the front porch trying to locate the missing pie filling that went awol. (did eventually find it during the hard long winter when the grass under the evergreens died.)

so i for one happily said "PLASTIC" when asked and the choice was either a "handled" chemically created bag or a handle-less paper sack. and then - when paper grocery bag manufacturers figured they needed to add handles to keep up with their plastic competition, i saluted American ingenuity and proudly went back to "paper."

so this morning my son went to pick up a few things for me at two different grocery stores. he came back with both "handled" paper and plastic bags. and when i commented that he hadn't used the handles on the paper bag he shook his head. and when i started to say something about the plastic bags. . . he grabbed the top of the bag in his large man hand (like grabbing a chicken around the neck) and said "real men don't use them." and dave added "it's man law."

hmmmmmm, maybe it is time for a woman president. . .

Pray for You - Jaron and The Long Road to Love :: Official Video

i can't help it. . . this song makes me laugh every time i hear it. . . i know we are not supposed to pray like this. . . but. . .

Piano stairs - TheFunTheory.com - Rolighetsteorin.se

Bed Intruder Christmas - Liberty University - Surprising

Being Authentic

dave has recently been blogging on our church's environmental values. this last week he posted about the importance of being authentic. i liked what he wrote and thought it was worth sharing.

"People in our society have become increasingly skeptical of religion in general and of churches in particular. They have their “baloney radar” up and running. Credibility is an issue for us. To try posturing ourselves as better than what we really are – is a huge mistake. We must own up to our inconsistencies, our dysfunction, and our hypocrisy. We are not perfect, we have not arrived. (Yet we must be diligent to be making progress in our Christ-likeness.)

I also think that it’s true that when a person walks into a church that values authenticity it gives them the freedom to own up to their own brokenness and face their own demons. They are infused with hope that change is possible, that they are not alone, that maybe they have indeed stumbled upon a community where they will be accepted rather than judged and criticized.

We must not wear masks. And we must not punish others when they refuse to wear a mask. To be our genuine self does not necessarily mean that we are happy or content with who we are – just that we are being honest – no pretense – no games.

It’s been said that if we share only strengths we create competition. When we share our weaknesses we create community. Creating such an atmosphere perpetuates further vulnerability and honesty – that’s where healing and deep relationships can begin."

so here's to we - the body of Christ - actually behaving like the body of Christ. . .

"came for the fun, stayed for the grace"

one of the members of our congregation summed up his family's experience with our UPWARD basketball program with "we came for the fun - and stayed for the grace."

i can't think of a better endorsement of Arlington Countryside Church's commitment to reaching out to our community through the ministry of UPWARD sports. . . check out how you can be a part of this year's exciting season. (this was posted earlier this month on ACC-Leadership Online blog.)

October is Upward Promotion Month

October 1st, 2010

ACC’s Upward Basketball and Cheerleading practices begin in January, but plans have been underway since the summer. This will our seventh year hosting the Upward league, and it is exciting to anticipate its growth. Upward is a self-esteem building, Christ-centered sports program for children in grades 1-6.

On Sunday, October 17, you will hear more about how you can get involved. The challenge is for every person at ACC to be part of Upward in some way- whether coaching, serving as a referee, attending games, advertising, working at the concession stand, or praying. To have a successful season, there are many roles that the church body needs to fill. Will you consider how you can be part of Upward? We welcome your help with small and large jobs!

- In order to recruit players, we need to get the word out. Will you hang a yard sign, invite neighborhood children to play, and distribute brochures?

- If you love basketball, please consider coaching a team or serving as a referee. Games are on Saturdays beginning in late January. God can use your sports knowledge to impact children for eternity!

- If you have an Upward T-shirt, please wear it on Sunday, October 17. Children who have played are encouraged to wear uniforms or jerseys on this date too.
We look forward to your involvement. Please pray for a fun, successful, and God-honoring season!

Guest blogger: Allison Bies

the benefit of having adult children

dave and i have been in pastoral ministry for over 29 years this year. we have shared with others in the celebration of marriages, babies, graduations, new homes, new jobs, new and renewed faith. we have also shared with others in the loss of marriages, loved ones, promising futures, homes, careers, and faith. and in those times, we have sought to be an encouragement, to be God-with-skin-on for those who are sharing life's journey with us.

with dad corlew passing away this week, we were reminded that there is a time to minister to others and then there is a time to allow others to minister. the hospital chaplin who came to dad's room to share scripture and pray with us pointed out to me that dave's role was that as "son" - not "pastor" to our family. the chaplain was right.

over the last couple of days, friends and family have been right along side of us, encouraging us bringing food and flowers, hugging and listening, sending us cards and messages, and driving down to Joliet to be physically with us for the service. i am more than grateful - i am overwhelmed by their kind words and actions but also by their generosity of time.

yesterday was not only dad's life celebration, but also the 19th anniversary of my mother's death and i couldn't help but think about losing her.

i was 30 and our children were little - between 3 and 7 years old. i cannot tell you what a comfort those kids were to me and to my father. watching them play and fight and make up and ask for another snack was healing. the kids were generous with hugs and kisses and home-made drawings when they realized we were still sad. and having to jump back into the routine of running the house and nurturing them was just what i needed to move on in the grieving process.

i realized today that the benefit of having adult children is that they are adults now and know you almost as well as your spouse. they allowed us to be there for them, to listen, to encourage, to wipe away tears, to hold and to remind them of how God answered papa's prayers. and then, they did the same for us and more. we heard dad corlew's words of wisdom and humor come out of their mouths. . . wow!!!

i am thankful for the heritage dad corlew handed down to all of us. but i am more thankful to see that heritage reflected in the lives of our adult children.

thanks, kids!

the wisdom of a greeting card

today i sat at the kitchen table with dave while he opened the mail. there were quite a few condolence cards. they were beautiful and many had wonderful messages of comfort - but the thoughtful reflection of one of the cards really caught my attention. it was simple and profound and short. . .

remember the love.
mourn the loss.
celebrate the life.

hopefully, that is exactly what we will be doing tomorrow morning at dad corlew's memorial service.

thank you all for your concern and prayers. we have been truly blessed by the kind words and thoughts of friends and family.

the circle of life

yesterday was one of those rare experiences where you find yourself serving as witness to the precious last moments of the life of another. most of our immediate family had the privilege, and i do mean privilege, of sharing dave's father's last hours together.

the hospital called and told us that dad corlew was no longer responding and they thought we needed to come immediately. so, throwing off covers and throwing on clothes, and after making calls to family members while brushing teeth and getting ready, we rushed off to be at dad's bedside.

for the next 6 hours we sat in dad's room and talked and cried and reminisced and prayed and cried some more. we didn't know how long he would hold on but it was obvious that his body was tired and spent and that the end was near.

and so dad's number one prayer request - that he would fall asleep and wake up in heaven - was answered. he quietly slipped away leaving us very much aware of how great a debt was owed to a man who lived his life humbly and honestly, loving his wife, his children, and his savior. our lives were richer and our character stronger because of the choices, the million and one little choices he made, day after day, month after month, year after year.

i know that we tend to paint our loved ones with broad strokes of charity and good intentions in our remembrances of them - but for those who knew him, dad corlew doesn't need our help. he was a good man who lived a good life.

during the watching and waiting, dave and i made a quick trip two floors down to the hospital's maternity department. we visited with two new mommies and met their newborn sons. dave and i actually got to hold one of the boys for a few brief moments. how wonderfully fantastic to cuddle a tiny baby - to whisper in his ear how happy we were to finally meet him and grateful that he arrived safe and sound.

with that wee little one in my arms, i found myself overcome with emotion. i suddenly felt the very "realness" of the circle of life. there is birth and then death. and in the middle, there is life and living.

dad corlew's journey was almost over and tiny baby tristan's was just beginning. a vibrant reminder that we should live each day mindful that life is fragile and mortal - an encouragement to live life well, no matter how much time we may have left.

i couldn't help but think of Micah 6:8 - "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

jury duty

jury duty. . . hmmmm. . . got the notice in mail one summer day – knew it couldn’t be for me. . . i have never ever been called up. (side road – i’ve wondered about that. . . like am i on some list somewhere that says “not normal enough?” - ok, don’t answer that. . . but you know what i mean. . . i lived in the same state for 26 years and one county for like 16 years and no court system was ever interested in my services. i figured that i was off limits for some reason. not exactly miffed about that. . . just feeling curiously unwanted.)

0k, i’m no longer feeling unwanted. . . the notice was for me. it asked me to be available for a certain wednesday – less than a week away (side road #2 – only the worst the possible day to be called up, first of the month, inventory, reports. . . etc., etc.,). but good news, i was only a standby juror - so most likely not even going to make the first cut.

i called the night before on my cell phone. (side road #3 - now let me share that my personal cell phone has always been the “freebie” that comes with the plan – actually i have found it is usually last year’s model voted most likely to double as a door stop thereby becoming our provider's give-away-phone. you definitely get exactly what you pay for with quality.) so i called the number and listened and punched in the courthouse code and found out that i didn’t make the first cut – only people with last names starting with the letters H – T had to actually show up.

ok, i admit i was a little disappointed - but hey, at least i got a notice and i made my one phone call.

so i was talking to a friend later that night and i mentioned my near brush with the rite of passage to “juror” and she said that it was a weird alphabetical cut-off and was i sure i heard right???? of course, i heard right and i was off the hook.

but that bugged me – could i have heard wrong??? nah. no way. i heard what i heard.

i got up the next morning and got ready for work and was just about to walk out the door when i decided to go ahead and call from our neglected and soon to be discontinued land line – just in case.

i called, i listened, i punched in, and heard “only people with last names starting with the letters A – T. . ."

ok, so i notified work and took off for the courthouse.

suffice it to say that after watching the very informative film “You, the Juror” and then sitting around for hours and hours and hours watching most people chit chat, make friends, exchange email addresses, eat vending food while i was going back and forth trying to read Steinbeck’s East of Eden or Chesterton’s Orthodoxy – my name was called and i was handed a check for $17 bucks and some change with a seemingly sincere "thank you."

a couple of things here. . .

one, i shouldn’t use my cell phone for important calls – say jury duty or 911 emergencies.

two, theology and literature are not the best choices for reading material while waiting in seclusion. i’m guessing a People/ Rolling Stones magazine or mindless summer beach fiction would have made more sense.

three, there are a lot of people who have not had the good fortune of being notified of their opportunity for civic duty AND there are a lot of folk who have been notified but never made it into one of the twelve chairs. It’s not just my personality or lack thereof. . .

all in all, it was an experience – just that – an experience.

i no longer feel curiously unwanted - and actually, it’s ok with me if i’m overlooked in the future.

and i still have to finish Othodoxy. . . maybe next week’s doctor appointment. . .

message morphing

this last weekend i did something i have never done before. . . i spoke at my own church's womenfolk's retreat.

yeah, i too was surprised that i said "yes" when they asked me.

first of all, i personally think "me" (as their senior pastor's wife) taken in smaller doses is a more palatable choice. i am not typical in that before i put on that hat, i was a youth pastor's wife for a heck of long time (20 plus years) and so do not fit the stereotype very well. . . although i do play piano. . .

second of all, i love having guest teachers in -it so cool to see how God orchestrates their teaching with whatever it is that we as a group need at the moment.

and third, and well, probably most importantly - speaking to the ladies i see every week scared the hooey outta me. (side road - when i take the opportunity to speak to outside groups the odds are good that i don't know them and probably won't see them again. odds are also good that i have zero, zip, nada inside scoop on what is going on politically, socially, or metaphysically with the group. i specifically don't ask - cuz i don't want to know. i like them to give me a topic or theme and tell me the meeting's purpose. then it becomes this journey of faith and dependency on God with a lot of study thrown in for good measure. and when it is all over, i am blown away to see how He orchestrated it all together for them.)

anyways, between the time i was asked and the Tuesday before the retreat, i had my messages prepared and read to go. . . the retreat theme was Better2gether and so i went with that. . . big time. . .
1st teaching time - David and Jonathan - Best Friends Forever
2nd teaching time - Peter and Paul - Two sides of the Same Coin (different men, different ministries, same savior)
3rd teaching time - Mary and Martha - Managing Expectations (don't need an explanation on this one, do i?)

gotta admit that i was pretty happy with the results of my labor. . . just one problem. . . was really not sure that this was a good fit for what was a 24 hour retreat. i mean - i had three point outlines, interesting illustrations, one poetic ending, one video clip, and one humorous anecdote about being married to their pastor - nothing too embarrassing - just life. . . i had a nice variety, hopefully something for everyone.

but to make a long story short. . . a 10 hour road trip, a long discussion with dave (as teacher, not my husband), and realizing that the goal of this time away was really about being better2gether as women who worship and work and play together - the messages morphed. . . and then morphed again. . . and again. . . until they bore almost no resemblance whatsoever to the BFF, Coin, and Sister Talks.
1st teaching time - Me, Myself, and Me (Realizing the universe does NOT revolve around moi)
2nd teaching time - Do Unto Others (Loving others like we would love to be loved is much harder and more involved - it is a choice and brings with it inconvenience and baggage)
3rd teaching time - For God so Loved. . . (Understanding that getting over one's self and loving others as they should be loved are totally exhausting and nigh impossible without a relationship with the God who loved us so much that He gave his only son. . . )

bottom line - i needed to hear those lessons because i need to learn and live those lessons. . .

the gift of grieving

until you have lost someone close you do not really understand.

you can think you do, but until your face hurts from smiling reassuringly as you intone the inevitable "fine" at all those who inquire as to how you are,

until you are wide awake in the wee hours of the morning. night after night - feeling more overwhelming alone than you ever thought possible,

until you realize that you have caught yourself once again following someone in the crowd who for one small moment you believed was your dead mother, father, brother, sister, wife, husband, son, daughter, grandmother, grandfather, cousin, aunt, uncle, fiance, or friend,

until you reach for the phone to call that someone and then realize with a sickening thud in the back of your brain that s/he is not going to pick up ever again,

until you cry because the sun is out and people are laughing and playing,

until you find yourself living each day in numbing exhaustion while holding it together for everyone else,

until then, you do not know.

grief is a process and a very personal one at that. there is no set time schedule to measure against, and there are no magical rituals that relieve the pain.

there is just time.

the shortest verse in the Bible is two short words. . . "Jesus wept."

someone shared that verse with me moments after my mother died. that someone caught me in the hospital hallway and asked point blank if i was a Christian. when i admitted that i was, she proceeded to give me the precious gift of grieving.

she explained how she had just lost her mother and that as a Christian, because we believe in Heaven and eternity AND being a good witness to God's goodness and grace in those times of darkness - it was easy to skip the grieving part of loss altogether.

she then shared the shortest verse saying that Jesus wept knowing full well that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead.

Jesus wept knowing Lazarus would walk out of the tomb into the lovingly astonished arms of his family.

Jesus wept knowing his next conversation with his friend was only a command away. . .

Jesus wept.

Paul cautions us not to grief as the those who have no hope. Paul does not caution us NOT TO GRIEVE.

it is easy to become so focused on heaven and God's goodness that we do not allow the painful reality of death to touch us and we short-circuit the very process that leads to healing.

we end up living a half life while having those around us praise our faith and our witness - this only ends up encouraging us to linger and not move on.

we need to embrace the pain, knowing Jesus knows and understands.

we need to grieve as those who have hope.

we need to accept the gift.

The Emergent Church

wow - haven't seen anything like this. . .

IRON BABY

happy Thursday!!!

hey, i wanted to wish you a happy Thursday! we all got another one this morning to spend as we like.

some of us will be going to jobs we love - and others, well, maybe not so much. some of us will have sunshine and searing temps, while some will have sunshine and no need to run the a/c. some of us will be dealing with some hard circumstances, the kind that bring the gut punch of reality and take our collective breath away. some of us will be celebrating first steps, a birthday, a promotion, a job, a hard won day of sobriety, a car in the garage, a soldier home, another year of school completed.

there are no extra minutes for good behavior. or an hour subtracted for being a grade A jerk. homicidal maniacs and saints both get the same 24 hours for mayhem or for mercy (and everything in between, of course).

i know that we know :) that it is what we DO with those one thousand four hundred and forty-four minutes that counts. . .

so. . . what are you going to do with your Thursday???

another kind of dumb

i posted on a different blog an unfortunate incident concerning plugging in my dying laptop and shocking myself silly. . . actually i shocked myself silly twice within oh, about 4 seconds and with all due intent. i couldn't believe i did it, so i did it again. and yes, that was dumb. it got me to thinking about a different kind of dumb, the kind that needs to be addressed every so often. . . so i followed it up with this post. . .

there is another kind of dumb. . . the kind of dumbness that takes over our spiritual lives. . . yep, you guessed it. . . DSD. . the Dreaded Spiritual Dumbness.

DSD can strike anyone at almost any time - although more common in Christ followers who have some years under their belt "doing" the Christian life. DSD creeps in and slowly, insidiously begins to suck the joy right out and leaves a kind of unfulfilling, uninspiring, "ok-ness." gone is the passion, the excitement, the fervor. DSD has claimed another victim.

i have personally suffered from this ailment - more than once even (see there is a tie-in to my last post, you can be dumb more than once in a short amount of time). i woke up one day and realized that i was coasting, no longer walking, coasting, meandering, wandering without a clue. kept reading the Bible, praying, going to church, trying to do all the right things for all the right reasons and knowing that something was missing.

now what did i do about this "missining-ness" once i realized?

nothing - i just read the Bible, prayed, went to church, tried to do all the right things for all the right reasons.

right there was the proof that i was suffering from DSD.

one of my favorite definitions of insanity is this - one from Albert Einstein “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

DSD is a lot like that.

i kept expecting something to change. after all, i was doing something. i was staying busy and pretty much outta trouble ( well, for me at least). AND that dang Holy Spirit was part of this equation wasn't He? And just where was He anyways???

treatment for DSD is easy - TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE!!!!

if you are reading in the New Testament, find some dramatic readings of the Old Testament and listen to them, REALLY listen to them. or grab a couple of friends, go to the park, sit around a picnic table and take turns reading out loud chunks of verses through the book of Mark. take a walk ANYWHERE and listen to worship music that is based on scripture.

at church, find a different seat, far, far away from where you usually sit - scary, i know - but you will probably see and meet some new people, see the same stuff from a new vantage point. if your church has more than one service, attend the one you usually don't. if you usually sing, don't. listen and let the voices flow around you. if you usually don't sing, then sing and make a joyful noise, though you might want to watch the volume on that. . .

shake up your prayer life too!!!! pray with your eyes open. hands open. eyes and hands open. eyes and hands open and standing. laying face down on the floor. praying with a pen and notebook (also called prayer journaling - i highly recommend). praying with a friend. praying with more than one friend. BUT ACTUALLY PRAYING - not just doing the catch-up prayer circle. call your pastor and ask him for some things to pray for. . . current missionary concerns, church finances (this is always on that list it seems), the youth group, the youth pastor. better yet, get the names of a few of the members who don't get out much and go visit them and ask to pray WITH them and FOR them.

there really is no excuse for suffering along with DSD once you've diagnosed yourself.

get out there. . . get moving. . . or quit moving. . . only you know what you've been doing/not doing that hasn't been inspiring you to be more like Christ.

quit being a spiritual retention pond. . . they seem to get stagnant or they dry up. . . choice is yours. . .

Tim Hawkins-Hey There Delilah

little red sports car and my bucket list

yes, i have a bucket list. i have called it different things over the years as it kinda evolved with my age and stage in life. and well, to be honest, it has consisted of some fairly insane "things to do before i die. . . "
get a tattoo
get another tattoo
talk someone else into getting a tattoo with me

ok, those are some of the sane, already "done" things :)

seriously, some of the items on my current list. . .

getting a book published (would be easier to to actually attempt if i could figure out a) who my audience would be and b) why in the world would they be interested in laying out hard earned cash for anything i would write)

driving a little red sports car (this should probably be OWNING said "little red sports car" since who in their ever-lovin' mind would want to share it???)

learning Polish/Russian/Chinese OR becoming incredibly proficient in Pig Latin (i have been known on occasion to massacre the english language - imagine how dangerous i would be in another. . . )

finding the cure for gastric cancer (my mom died of it at 57 and i don't mean me personally FINDING a cure - i just meant someone finding a cure for it in my lifetime)

keeping every single area of my home organized AND clean for 30 minutes (in one stretch. . . not 30 minutes of 1 minutes increments, i mean 30 minutes in a row, one after the other. . . probably not going to happen unless i hire a crew to come in while i am on vacation and the 30 minutes is clocked before we get home)

holding my grandchild (this is not a subtle or even an obvious hint for my kids - i just think it would be a cool thing - but then of course, the hint is in the eye of the beholder. . . )

some things i have already checked off. . .

falling in love
marrying a man i could grow old with (and incidentally - same man i fell in love with)
owning a boston terrier
having children (this was an on again off again listing)
owning a cat
being completely caught up with our family's laundry (happened just once in 1997 - never to be repeated - musta have been a fluke of nature or the hand of God)
making more than $XXXXX amount of dollars (this fluctuated a lot!!!)
becoming a home owner (this was before i realized that "becoming a mortgagee" was more accurate)

i wanted to blog about my bucket list because this week i got to check off "driving a little red sports car." and no i didn't have to buy one. . .my husband and my son went section hiking on the AT last week. they grabbed a friend who was up for "a walk in the woods" and took off in one of our Hyundai's. this friend just happens to own a little red Benz. and he happened to let me have it for FIVE glorious days. it was awesome.

although it was a little hard giving it back (after all, the difference is huge between piloting a Benz and putzing around in a golf cart) i surrendured the ????? whatever you call the doohicky that takes the place of a key and then promptly hugged the owner.

i am proud to say i received NO speeding tickets. . . partially due to the fact that i drove 12 miles under the limit. . . yeah, you and i know that's not true. . . let's just say that i prayed a lot. . . and i'm sure the little red sports car's owner did too! :)

Sunday's Coming. . . and it's "Contemporvant"

"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.